Miss Ataxia: The Klutz Cometh

So my parents were gone for the weekend. They went on a trip to San Antonio for one of my dad's business christmas parties. While they were gone I managed to get three paper cuts on my hands. The day they got back I literally tripped over my CIA lanyard that I had clipped to my belt. And about five hours later, right after my parents got home I fell down the stairs. I ended up scratching up my hand pretty good on that one. So what did I do today? I hit my head and got a cardboard but on my pinkie. They only thing that I had to clean it with was a damned alcohol swab. Needless to say my weekend was fun.

Miss Ataxia: Breaking Down

I got in a fight with my mum. Over what? Joey. How he's a jerk and isn't pulling his weight around the house. She said that I need to cut him some slack because he doesn't know how to really be a person. To treat him the same way I treat Nate. Nate's autistic, yes, but that doesn't mean he can't do shit around the house. Doesn't mean that I don't treat him like every other person in the world. She wants me to treat the jerk nicely? Take care of your damn dishes, pick up after yourself, don't throw a bitch fit when you don't get your fucking way. Grow up.

I want him out of the house. Nate, Weed, and Hillary do too. He stresses me out. And it's hard to for me to deal. The Boy is going through some things and Sarah is gone. I really have no one.

Miss Ataxia: Good Night

So I know that I've been away for awhile so I thought that I would catch up on a few things. Sarah has left for basic. She will be missed for the time that she is gone. She will be back for christmas though. The boy is sick. Like I haven't seen him in almost two weeks. And I have been working almost everyday. The weather is super cold too. But now I am going to go to bed. Yes I know it's only 3:45 in the afternoon but I have to be up at 2:30 to get ready for work at 4.

How have you been?

Miss Ataxia: Neko-Con day 1

So today is the first day of Neko-Con. Which happens to be the local anime convention of the fall. I am so excited. Seeing as how I missed fanime con this previous year I am going to spaz out at this one. And maybe I'll go to the one in Virginia Beach.

It was so awesome. Had like a super fun day. And the boy spent $156 and some change on me simply so that I can get my army together so we can play. I was shocked at how much he spent on me. So I bought him a pizza.

How was your day?

Miss Ataxia: Nerding

So the boy is into this game and since he's addicted to it I decided to read about it. Warhammer 40,000, a tabletop game, with miniatures, that you paint, that you customize, different breeds, different cultures and rules for each breed. And now I'm going to play. Sort of. I fail at being cool.


JOHNNY! What the hell happened!!? Everything ok!?

Miss Ataxia: Gushing

Well today proved interesting. I woke up this morning from my brother yelling at my other sister telling her that mum needed her downstairs. Seeing as how I was up I decided to go ahead and go down to see what the problem was. The problem? The pantry had water gushing out of it. Carpet ended up being soaked. Turns out the pipes behind the pantry that connected to everything up stairs split, right down the middle lengthwise. So I had to try and help with that before going to work with Thor's medication on my pants. He's had gotten a little worse so we took him to the vet to get more meds. The monster got really bad today, he slept most of the day, and when he wasn't sleeping he was spitting medication onto my work pants. Long day. Hope yours was better.

Miss Ataxia: His Day

Thor got back from the pound yesterday after being "clip and chipped", thus far he has peed on my mother's bed and on the floor countless times. And still he doesn't know his name.

Today is the boy's birthday. 27 years old I'm going to heckle him about being old for the next few days just to make sure that it really sinks in. He seemed surprised when my family made him dinner and got him presents like we did. The last time that he really celebrated his birthday was when he was a kid and the last time that he did both his parents got arrested. So simply put, he doesn't think much of his birthday. What did he get? For dinner he got homemade lasagna, salad, and french bread. With my homemade banana bread for dessert. All of which he wanted. For gifts, an electric kettle so he can finally eat at his house, a robe (so he doesn't make his housemates jealous or scare the crap out of them from the pastyness). And 100 bucks in cash, to go towards what he wants. Whether it be tags for his truck, his storage shed, bills, mini fridge, or something totally random that he simply has a desire to have. It's his. He needed a day like this. I don't think that he really expected us to do anything for him. I honestly don't. Seeing the smile on his face nearly made me cry though. I don't get to see him smile like that. And when he read what my parents card said, "from mom and dad", he looked almost shocked. He's one of the kids now, I don't think he was ever going to expect that to happen.

Miss Ataxia: new baby

Well I've gotten a Gamestop application. I just need to fill it out and take out there. Oh, we have another dog.

A few days ago my father took Weed out to the Virginia Beach SPCA and they found a dog. Pitbull terrier mix named diesel so they put some holding papers on him so that no one could adopt him until Buddy met him. As they were doing the papers a lady came in and wrote a $1000 check for the next five adoptions. She comes in pretty often from what they were told. She looked at my dad and asked if he was adopting one. He told her what was going on. About how we came in last year and rescued Buddy and that we wanted to get him someone that he can hang out with. She wrote a check to my dad. Anyways, Diesel didn't turn out to be a good idea. Too hyper and made Buddy uncomfortable. So they found Shep (yes we are going to change his name) and they meshed perfectly. He was going to come home on Thursday after his snip and chip. But than they called and said that he could have his surgery today. Turns out not because he has a upper respiratory infection and that he wouldn't be able to get it till Monday. So Weed, my dad, and I went out there to visit him. As we were visiting with him one of the techs came over and asked if we would like to foster him till his surgery. That he would get better quicker at home. So needless to say, "Shep" is here. German Shepard Terrier Mix. Tiny little thing, like 13 weeks old. Adorable.

Miss Ataxia: Yay for the folly

I put a bid on a phone. LG EnV on ebay. I'm giddy with excitment. I need this new phone. It's said when you're texting and your phone skips four spaces ahead.

YAY! It's about time you put some work into Johnny's Folly. Been putting it off it's about time that you got started on it again. And about the critiques, it's good to know what other people think. Even if you don't agree with them. Let me know how it goes.

I've decided that I'm going to look for a new job. Thinking borders or gamestop. Someplace where I could handle the people that came in. And gave me decent hours.

Miss Ataxia: What a day

Well I'm back from a fun-filled couple of days. Sunday helped the boy move, never thought someone could have more books than my entire family put together. He's still getting used to the new place. Don't blame him it's very different to what he's used to. What I mean by that is quiet, has his own space (literally his own), and he can relax and not worry that people are going to ask him to do random things around the house. So yeah that was Sunday.

Monday I worked. Explains everything.

And today I drove my brother to work, got the oil changed, went to blockbuster, helped with dinner, realized that Weed has a cold (which is funny because she keeps sneezing), and than I spent the past couple of hours with the boy trying to help him relax because he's getting stressed out about work and bills. So today was a fun filled event.

How was your day?

Miss Ataxia: The Puffball Enigma

She can't breath through one side of her nose. I think that would signify that it's important to fix.

Nice, one would think that was a Freudian slip.

So today we found something in the back yard. More like my dad found something and than made me do research on it to see what the hell it really is. What did we find? Puffball mushrooms. They were the size of freaking grapefruits half buried in the dirt. Not poisonous, in fact if you eat the bad ones all you get is gastrointestinal discomfort. They can range in sizes from 1" to 12". They have even been confused as sheep! They get that big. So you know what we're going to do? Leave them and see how big they can get. We're such an odd family.

Miss Ataxia: Annoyed

The way you treated me, past tense. And for the girl.... something tells me that she's noticed you. And isn't ready to make a move yet. But if you do meet a girl, you can't stop writing. I won't let you.




So tell me how does a Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor refuse to fix a broken nose? It's still bothering me. She went in the other week and told her that he couldn't fix it because "It's not broken". Bullshit look at the poor girl! It's not straight! "Sorry it's not bruised." Um, you don't know my sister. I have beat the pulp out of her to the point that her body is inclined to heal fast. Especially from bruises. So please, someone tell me why a doctor who specializes in noses refuses to fix one. You know what he told her? "If you were a marine you could fix it." Jerk obviously it's broken if you said that shit so just fix the damn thing.


Doctors are morons.

Miss Ataxia: Truce?

She didn't get her nose fixed. Reason? The doc said that it had already started to heal. Lame.

I suppose that it would have bothered me a little. I'm sorry that I didn't give you that opportunity. I am. But you have to think about it from my side as well. How am I supposed to react with the way that you have been treating me. I'm sorry that I was a bitch to you. I really am. But anyways, truce?

Now..... to find you a girl. :)

Miss Ataxia: I'm sorry

I know that you were trying to be nice. But I'm over it. You were a jerk to me and I know that I'm over that but I also know that it could go that way yet again. I know that I want to be friends with you but I know it's not possible. There are simply things that I can not talk to you about. Either because you simply won't want to hear them or because you won't agree or accept them. I'm sorry that I treat you badly. I don't mean to. I'm sorry that I flip between whether or not I can handle even talking to you. But I am willing to try. Whatever you wanted to say simply say it. I can handle what you say because I know that you aren't going to be rude or mean on purpose. I know that you aren't a horrible person. I'm going through somethings at the moment and I don't mean to take it out on you.

I'm sorry.

Miss Ataxia: Weed's Day

It's her birthday. She is not happy. Her nose is not fixed. Oh well. The boy is going to come over and spend the evening with me and my family. Hopefully he will enjoy himself.

I don't need you think process it. I don't need you to get back to me. The fact that you read it is enough. I want nothing from you, except the possibility of a friendship. But I think that you've already made it very clear that that will more than likely not happen. So I will not hold it against you.

Miss Ataxia: Thank you

Weed's birthday is tomorrow. 18 freaking years she's been creating hell on earth and I hope she'll be around for another 18.

Johnny, Thank you for what you wrote. You may not read this, ever. But I want you to know that you did mean a lot to me for the time that we were together. You helped me through a lot. Like my dog passing. You may not have realized it but that was hard for me and you helped. Thank you. Thanks for helping me get out of my shell. I may not be as extroverted as you but now at least I don't care what people think about me when I go places. You've given me a backbone. I know that we may never be close again but please know that I do still care about you. I may not be in love with you, but I do love you. You were one of my best friends for that time. One day I hope that I will be able to talk to you like we used to.

You were always forgiven.

Miss Ataxia: Still not set

Weed can not have her nose set until Monday. It looks horrible. And I feel sorry for her. Monday is her 18th birthday and she's going to spend the morning in pain at the doctor's office as he fixes her face. Poor her.

After New Year's apparently I am going to go down to NC with the boy on vacation. I was slightly shocked at the fact that he asked me to go with him. But of course I would say yes. Simply because I get to meet Rory and Darren.

The company that I work with sucks. Why you would schedule me to work 1:30 -10. Is beyond me, especially seeing as how they just hired a bunch of new people. Ridiculous.

Mis Ataxia: The Weed broke her nose

Weed broke her nose again last night. She went to the ER and everything. It looks really bad. They didn't set it. So hopefully she can get it set tomorrow at her appointment. She can't even breath through that side of her nose. She's miserable.



Sunday was awesome.

Miss Ataxia: SUNDAY!!!

The boy is hoping to move by the first of October. Not to that guy Mark's house but to a different lady's house. She's cheaper, he gets a better room, and it's closer to work than the other house.

He's was thinking about going to Mark's house. Problem? It was going to be $500 a month, than at the beginning of the new year he was going to raise it to 6. The house is in disrepair and it's very far from where he works. To the point that he would have to get up at five in the morning in order to make it to work on time. Now this new house, from what I'm told I haven't seen it yet, is very nice. It's over where he's staying now, $300 a month cash at the beginning of the month. Big room plenty of shelve space, fully furnished with a huge desk. Smoking is allowed only outside. He doesn't have a problem with that. The one thing that I am concerned about is that he has no house privileges. He'll have to buy a mini fridge and since it's a "family home" there is no way that we can have any. But he'll be able to save money so that he can go down to NC. I'm still trying to figure out a way so that I can convince my mum to let me go with him.


So on Sunday I will be at Busch Gardens. Sarah's brother has managed to get us free tickets. The Boy, Justin (this boy that she knows and likes), her and I are going to be spending the entire day there just for Hallowscream. It's this special thing for Halloween. The only time where you can dress up like something, scare people and get free candy. I'm excited. I haven't really hung out with sarah and the boy at the same time. Only once and that was the day that I hung out with him for the first time. I needed her there because I thought I was going to ruin the whole thing.

But yeah. Target has Domo everywhere. I have him on the back of my car. I'll have to take a picture and show.

Miss Ataxia: The boy might have found a place

Haven't posted in awhile. And I know that no one really reads this but oh, well.

The boy found a new place to stay, luckily we know the guy that he's going to be staying with. AND he since he knows that the boy and I are close he said that I could move in too. If I wanted too. He just doesn't know what we are. He asked the boy just what we are "I don't care, just what are you?" He didn't say anything. Apparently the room is pretty nice, which means that all the stuff that he has in storage he's going to pull out and bring over to the house.

The guy's name is Mark. Mark had stated that I can stay the night whenever I want and that I don't have to ask to come over either. Downfall? The boy has to help with half the yard. Yard size? 10 acres. 10 freaking acres!!!! Apparently the house is pretty old, I don't know what it looks like. I don't know what the yard looks like. I don't know exactly where the house is. Luckily he really doesn't have to be out of the house till November 1st.

Sarah is leaving next month. Her last day at work is the 11th, her birthday is the 12th, and than she leaves the 13th.

Miss Ataxia: Marriage, Genetics, And Breast Cancer

Well I've talked to my aunt and she confirms it. He needs to talk to dad alone and ask for his permission to marry me. "Than the one knee thing" lol. I don't think that my parents are ready for it quite yet. But I know that this is what both Him and I want. Mum's going to freak.

Mum had a genetics appointment today. Ended up nearly bruising her hand in order to get any blood out. Genetics appointment, you ask? Well about two years ago she ended all her chemotherapy and radiation for breast cancer. About that time as well she found out that it could be genetic. That some people are more at risk than others because of a specific gene, BRCA2. After she found that out she talked to my aunt. The same one that I confided in. She found out that my aunt had gotten checked out because of my mum and found out that she had precancerous cells. Now my mum is all worried. I kind of am too. I know that there are ways to cut down your risks, but there are certain people in my family that aren't taking precautions. And I don't want to have to go through that again. Sitting there with my mum while she was getting her chemo done was a great bonding experience don't get me wrong. But it hurt watching her sit there while they prodded her with needles and injected her with all those chemicals. And now with all the side effects? I don't want to go through that. And I sure as hell don't want either of my sister's or my little cousins to go through that. So yes. All of you femmes out there that read this. Take precautions and get yourself checked out. And if it turns out that you have it. Know that I am here, as well as the rest of my family. Be careful.

Miss Ataxia: He wants to marry me

Still not fired, got new plates for the van, and was pretty much proposed to.

Thats right he says he wants to be more than serious. He wants to marry me and that he's loved me for awhile now and didn't know how I would feel about it. So he asked me how I would feel if we took it a step further and got married. Just the idea of it makes me smile. I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. It's just my mother and the technicalities of everything that worry me at the moment. I know that he's having a little financial trouble, thats why he's thinking about going down to NC and staying with Rory, who's practically family. He wants to know if I would go with him. He said that I wouldn't have to worry about insurance or anything that he would take care of it and that I didn't need a car because I could simply take him to work and pick him back up again. What really surprises me about the whole thing is that he kissed me. And he really hasn't been able to stop.

He's had a problem with kissing from an ex and so he was against it. But yesterday I took him and I to go and see Tropic Thunder and out of no where in his truck he leans over and kisses me. Of course I'm going to kiss back. Can't help it, I really like kissing him too.

He wants to talk to my parents about the whole thing. To ask for their blessing. I know that he needs to talk to my da alone first that way da can talk to my mum about it than we can all get together and discuss it.

I'm scared that she'll be against it. She was against me going down there last time he thought he was going to. And I mean dead set against it. Her view on it was if I don't have a degree in something than I can't move out of the house. Unfortunately at the moment I need out of the house. Not want, but need. I can't stay here with all the crap thats going on. I can't. It's stressing me out to the point that I just want to pack not tell them where I am going and just leave. But I can't. I can't just leave weed and the others. They're blood, there for we're connected.


Oh and I've lost weight. I don't know how. I haven't really worked out. I guess it's because I simply can't eat much food anymore. Like today I've eaten a whole two times.

Miss Ataxia: Worried about the boy

Well I didn't get fired still.

Turns out the boy really likes me, but I'm worried. His Aunt's boyfriend wants him out by the 1st of November. He really doesn't have anyplace to go other than NC and I don't think he really wants to go down there anymore. I'd have him move in here with me but there simply is no way that he and I can coexist like we do with the rest of my family here. Simply not going to happen.

I don't know what to do.

Miss Ataxia: Had to call the cops yesterday

The night before last on my way home from the boy's house I received a text message from Sarah. "Erica and Dana were arrested. And Jameka and Desiree were fired." ok? I was fine with that I'm not particularly close with them. Until the morning. Erica called me and told me that I needed to watch my back because everyone that has ever worked with her was in question. And that they were thinking about firing me. I freaked I didn't know what was going on. So simply to say I was stressed all day wondering if they were going to call me back into the office and question me or even fire me. But they didn't.

However the icing on the fucking cake would be that my license plates were stolen off my mini van last night while I was at work. AT WORK!!! FUCKING BOLTS AND ALL!!!! So I was up almost till one in the morning doing a police report. And now I can't even go to the DMV and get new plates because it's labor day weekend. Crap. I don't have a car. I hate this. Not fair at all.

And now I have to work more hours because they got rid of 4 people in one day and hired all new people who don't know how to do anything.

Miss Ataxia: Rant Time

I know that it seems alittle annoying that I talk about the people in my life like they're something more than what they seem to be.

I spent the past couple of hours with the boy and as he was getting ready to walk me out to my car like the great guy that he is, he said that he had a good time with me. Even though he was on the net talking to people and I was watching TV, he said that it meant more to be in a relationship than just wanting to have sex with someone. And that he really likes just being around me even though we never really do anything. Aw factor to the maximum.

I'm trying to save money to be able to go to FanimeCon this upcoming year. And it's all change, it sucks. I'm going to have to save enough for a plane ticket, hotel costs, food, reg, and lets not forget to mention some spending money cause I'm crazy about this stuff. Hopefully I can figure a way to be able to go this year seeing as how I missed it last year. It was going to be my fourth year running, now I'm behind.

I still have to reg for NekoCon.

I feel like breaking something. Even though I'm in a decent mood, I still want to cause some type of mayhem. I've been in a weird mood lately, I'm just ugh.

Sarah is joining in October. I'm going to miss her dearly. She's going to be leaving civilian life.

The cousin is bothering the hell out of me. I want him gone. No, not want NEED him gone. It's like this giant stressor in my life. He doesn't do jack shit around the house and I'm stuck not only doing his laundry but picking up after him cause he's lazy as hell and driving his lazy ass to work where he slams the van door and doesn't even thank me for the ride that I really don't have to give him. Not to mention that he's a complete ass hole, he has a picture of him smoking pot on his myspace, he glares at my sis when she's simply in the mood, he's a homophobe (if only he knew that I wasn't straight), he makes fun of people who don't deserve it, he spends all his money on cigs and junk instead of giving some of it to my mum to pay for HIS health insurance and all his costs, he's spoiled, and he still can't make up his mind on whether or not he wants to stay. He wants to stay for a girl, thats the reason that he got in the mess in the first place. And last but not least, he has the worst laugh in the history of humanity. It's annoying and fake and I don't like it one bit.

Obviously I don't like him.

Rant done.

Miss Ataxia: Don't want to work today

Well I went over there. Ended up not teaching him how to sew, but thats his fault. He was feeling lazy and didn't remind me. But all and all it was pretty good. Lounged around in bed for a bit than he spent time in the hole smoking some cigs. So I went out there and talked to him. Turns out he wants to know what I look like as a blonde. Oh, and that so far he likes me better with longer hair. I still haven't dyed it and I'm beginning to think that I'm not sure if I want to keep the color color in my hair.

Look, I know it's like a signiture, people at work know me by the hair. But I'm not sure thats what I want to be known for. It's not exactly amusing, when people at work come up to you and ask if I'm feeling alright simply because the color is gone.

And I'm looking for a new job. Need something else. Something where I can survive and I don't have to worry about my hours.

Miss Ataxia: Proud of the boys

School has started. Today is officially the first day of the college semester. Little brother is going to his first class. I'm proud of him. We never really thought that he would be this far. Not when you knew him when he was a kid. He can read, eat fruits AND vegetables. Not to mention he graduated at with honors from high school. Without being in any special ed classes. You would never know he was autistic. Well, re diagnosed as ausperger's. SOOOO proud of him.

Any way, I'm going to the boys house today. Apparently he wants me to teach him how to handsew. I'm ok but I'm not amazing at it. And he's going to teach me how to make amulets and "other fun stuff". I'm proud of him too. Getting so far in life from such a crappy background. Met his mum the other day. She's alittle off and I can tell that she wants to get back into his life. But I can also tell that he almost wants nothing to do with her. I don't blame him.

oh well. I've got to go and pack this bad girl up so I can get over to his house. Don't know what else we're going to do over there, but I'm sure we'll find something.


oh for some awesome jewelry check out www.azuregreen.com
it's really wicked, going to order some stuff next week after I get paid.

Miss Ataxia: Crapalicious

It feels like everything is completely out of wack in my house. There is no way I can stay here for as long as my mother seems to think. Until I get my degree. Too bad I can't afford to go to school. I need out and the only person that I can think of that feels the same way I do is the boy and he's trying to go down to NC, whether or not I follow him down there is up to me.... and if I can afford to live on my own.


I'm just feeling moody, and tired. Not to mention I look like utter crap.

Miss Ataxia: Oh geez

Weed looks like crap today. So naturally mum and I are worried. She always has to be the one that gets sick. If its not an ear infection than it's something else. Apparently her stomach is cramping, she's pale, and I know she has a fever. Hopefully it's not anything serious.

And my throat hurts, not really my throat but around my left tonsil. Which scares me. IF it does turn out that it's my actual tonsil than I'm going to fight to have them removed. Too many bouts of tonsilitis in too short of an amount of time.

The boy is going to do my astrological chart. I'm excited. Oh and I found a really cool Wiccan store. Not really found I knew it was there. But I'm actually looking at it and I"m exicited. I've actually begun writing a list of the things that I would like to get.

I need to start painting again. A half finished piece just doesn't look good sitting out in the garage.

Miss Ataxia: yayness

YAY FOR MISS ATAXIA!

I finally have my laptop with internet. I simply love it now. I am so happy. I will be blogging so much more now that I have the ability to be on the computer whenever I want to be checking out sites and hitting up the people in my life. About damn time no?

And yes, I dropped money today. $91 bucks. Crazy yes? You know what really sucks about it? Only like five of it was for me. New cami and a pair of matching panties.

I still haven't gotten any hair dye. And I still don't really know what I'm going to do with it yet.

My parents have decided that I am now a pygmie. Not cool. Not my fault I'm the first born. The first born is always the shortest. Jerks.

Miss Ataxia: Riight

Well, I'm about to leave for work after another crazy night. Pulled a suck ass shift at work and was told that I wasn't going to get my lunch and needed to leave before 9:58. Came home thought I was going to get enough sleep and realized that wasn't going to be the case. Some words were exchanged with the boy and he ended up realizing that nothing he could do would drive me away. Thats what happens when you start falling for someone. He ended up calling me and I quote " a good hearted woman". Yeah, ok. Pretty funny that he said that since a guy at work said that I was mean and cold-hearted.

I just looked at him and told him that he was going to take care of his own shit. Taking care of the crap that he brings up to Guest Service is not my job. Sorry.

But all and all yeah, tired, body is sore, my hair looks like crap, had to put on make-up because I look pale and dead, and I'm hornier than a dog in heat. Life sucks.

Oh.....and I have to drop about $90 bucks today on crap.

Miss Ataxia: Stressin' for the boy

I am starting to believe that I am going crazy or that I have been and I am just now realizing it. My father's birthday is on Sunday and I just realized it. I've never really known when his was nor do I actually know how old he is. The boy in my life, if you can really consider him that, his starting to get completely stressed out again. His pay was garnished. He went from five days a week to six. And now the people that he is living with, one of them, really doesn't want him around. Not to mention they are both starting to pester him about the whole church thing.

He is trying to write a book, the only problem is he is putting too many obstacles in his way so that he will not get it done. It's not even a "I want to write this book" but a " I need to write this book". The problem? He's been told his whole life that he will never amount to anything, that he will be exactly like his mother, that he is a failure, and a loser. He is none of these things. He is amazing and nothing like his mother. I wish I could make him see it. He is afraid to succeed because he's never had that option. I want him to do it so badly.

Miss Ataxia: Hair troubles and aggravations

So I've been thinking about what I want to do to my hair. I'm craving a change. I don't know if I want to keep the vibrant color or if I want to act like a grown up. The color is what I'm known for around work. When I don't have it people are constantly asking me if I'm ok. So here's what I'm thinking about doing. Dying all of it dark and than putting highlights throughout it and than putting the color on top of the highlights. Than comes the problem with the color. I'm tired if blue, purple, green, pink, and red shades. So I guess I'll just leave the bleach on longer and see how it looks.

On another note, he may be leaving for NC a lot sooner than we all expected. Sarah is going to the Army, Anna is going to some branch supposedly, and now shea-shea the one girl that I could have spent the rest of my life with, is going to the Air Force Reserves. And the bitch couldn't even tell me.

Miss Ataxia: Hair Coloring Queen

Well I have the laptop back, it's running great but the connection to the wireless is going haywire so my dad is going to take a look at it today. YAYNESS!

I might see the boy tonight, which is good, cause I feel like I need to see him. I know he's been busy with work and I know that I've been busy with work and life. But I still have that crazy urge to drive up there and just lay in bed with him. Does that make me weird? I hope not.

The Sarah girl is coming over today, here in a few hours really, to dye her hair. I wanted to do fire engine red but we decided that it wasn't the best idea since I would really need to bleach her hair first. And thats a no go. So we opted for a nice burgandy color. Why do people come to me for hair coloring advice I will never know. It's not my fault I do it on a regular basis.

Miss Ataxia: It's back

Finally I can say that the coven is on it's way to being part of our lives again. As always it will be hard and difficult for our other member and I'm sure that he will feel like he doesn't know anything. But he will. As long as I have him motivated to do everything it looks like it should be working out just fine.

I really missed the coven. The three of us. Not just me and another. But the three.


On another note, my laptop is currently being repaired. I can't wait! A good friend of mine is doing it for cheap cheap. Like $20. Everyone needs a computer science major in their pocket.

Miss Ataxia: Shocked and Confused

I don't know what to say today. The person that I care very much for is going through such a hard time this month, my brother's girlfriend's grandmother died, as did my uncle's father. Add on to this that I'm not making nearly enough money to where I can live on my own. Sarah is joining the Army, Anna is trying to join the Air Force, and Joey is still with us.

I just spent the past day or so with the boy. He doesn't know that my mum is going to give him money so he can get his stuff out of storage. He doesn't know that my mum is going to let him keep his stuff here. All of it. He's in for a shock no? He doesn't know that I'm head over heels for him. Well, maybe he does due to our conversation yesterday. He told me that he had a dream the we were married. This is the guy who couldn't call me his girlfriend because he was still dealing with HER. And he springs this on me. He said that his dreams could have hidden meanings but he wanted to know how I felt about it regardless. I didn't know what to say. I have no reservations or doubts about how I feel about him. And he's one of the few people that really know me. Inside and out. He doesn't think that he's ready for that big of a commitment and I said that was fine. And I was quiet. He wanted to know why I wasn't saying anything. Fortunately he was sitting on my lap and couldn't see the shock and concern on my face. All I wanted to do was ask him why me. Why me of all the people in the world? I'm not smart, I'm not pretty, I'm not cool, I don't like being in social situations, I'm a homebody, a nerd, a spaz, extremely family-oriented, and I can hardly live on my own let alone with my family.

No I really don't think that I'm the shit.


I don't understand people sometimes.

Miss Ataxia: Can you move on?

I don't know why you still have a tendency to get on my bad side. Why do you have to be such a jerk? I moved on with my life and I'm trying to be civil. Why can't you do the same? I still have feelings for you, I always will. But I want you to stop being such an ass to me and move on and be happy. Date that girl you like. Seriously, if you like her than go do things with her. I'm sure she would enjoy it even if she doesn't like movie theatres.

But saying that I wouldn't do something just shows you that maybe you didn't know me as well as you think you did. And I'm guessing that you really didn't. I was never apathetic, I just valued your opinion and didn't want to get into a disagreement with you.

Miss Ataxia: Why?

You think that I won't get baptized? Why? I like who I am here. I'm different than the way I was back on the west coast. I'm happy. Can't you be happy for me? Can't you realize that if I'm a better person now what I must have felt like when I was there?



You should do things with that girl. You really should.

Miss Ataxia: Baptism

Well he got baptized!!! And we found out that the Pastor that started the church is leaving to start another in Vegas. So prayers are with him. He is going to start out being a pastor to middle schoolers. I'm so proud of him.

I'm thinking that next time there's a baptismal I'm going to get baptized!

Miss Ataxia: How many jerks are there to ruin a birthday?

Well my birthday went off without a problem. Other than people who I thought would wish me well didn't even act like I was still alive. Jerks, all of them. Today is my little brother's birthday. YAY he's nineteen. Looking back I remember all the things that we never thought he would do. He's come so far with his autism. Reading, Eating all the different foods, holding down a decent job, and graduating high school with honors.

HE gets baptized tomorrow.

Happy Birthday Miss Ataxia

Well another year older which means another year here in the good old state of VA. Oh well. Not much is happening around here either. Still going to church with the Jesse boy, he still wants to be a pastor. He even requested some info from one of the bible colleges so he can get everything started. I'm so proud of him.

Happy Birthday to me.

Miss Ataxia: Going to church?

Well I went to church with him on sunday. And I actually liked it. I mean I really, really liked it. Like OMFG I liked it. Than we went to a bible study cookout thing that night. It was decent. But all and all it was a rather decent time. I can't wait till I can go again. He can't go to church next week cause of work, but he wants to go to bible study, so I'll try and go with him.

Plans

Ugh. I've recently become aware that anyone without a uterus is a lucky bastard. Anyways.

Jess and I are still friends taking a break while he tries to work through all this stuff. Tim has messaged me, yes it's shocking. Well his friend Tommy is a looker so obviously it's good. Tim needs a new job, the same goes for everyone else that works in our hell hole. Sarah and I are looking so that we can get out of the places we're living in at the moment. We're both going crazy. Without new jobs it'll never happen.

So she's going to go to school next semester and I am as well. I don't know what classes she's going to take but I'm hoping to get the cosmotology stuff done and taken care of. With that out of the way I can get a job using that and still work towards my library science degree. But who knows if I'll get that done before I go to bartending school. I have a wierd plan I know. But it's a plan nonetheless. Well I'm out. Keep sane.

Well as of a few days ago we are going to be just friends until he has everything sorted out. If you don't know what's going on let me give you a recap. His ex-fiance is driving crazy and it literally made him sick. So now that that is semi taken care of he's got to deal with his commitment issues. And he's working through them now. Than he can date me. But here's the big news!!! He has decided that he wants to be a man of the cloth, non-denominational. I'm really proud of him. He's actually going to start going to church again. I met his pastor and he's actually a really nice guy. So nice that I might even consider going to to church with him on a regular basis. I say a regular basis because I'm going on Sunday, I just don't know how often I'll go afterwards.

Miss Ataxia: Long night at the ER

Well I went over to his house yesterday before work. He wasn't feeling all that great. So we just chilled and I blended my first oils! But than it turned bad. He ended up going to the ER, we didn't get out of there till a little after 2:30. Which sucked cause we were both tired to the point that I would have slept in the car. If only my phone hadn't died while we were there otherwise I would have. He's doing better. Dehydrated to the point he really should just have a drip all day, but atleast he looks better. Not to mention he's in a better mood. He needs rest. Lots of it.

We met a girl at Heritage that I feel like we were supposed to meet. She helped him with a few things and me as well. She came from my coast even though she's from this hell hole. It was important for us to meet her.

Anyways, I'm going to go and lay down. Even though I know no one reads this.

Miss Ataxia: Freakin' Finally

He's come to the conclusion that she never cared about him. I've known this since he started talking about her. He's finally realizing that perhaps he shouldn't have to change who he is in order to keep the woman that he once loved. He stopped practicing for her, he gave up so much. 

N0w he's practicing again and he's really happy. Thats all I want. For him to be happy, even if he doesn't end up being mine.

Miss Ataxia: Going Crazy

He makes me want to scream. I understand that he wants to concentrate on our friendship, I really really do. But the fact that he's going to put out romantic friendship, our seeing each other on hold is what pisses me off. I understand that he wants to work through the issues he has to deal with due to his ex I get it. I have my own that I have to deal with. But I know that I want him, so I'm willing to wait. I just hate how he's flipping on what he wants.


I feel like crying.

MIss Ataxia: Goin' Girly

Well update. Jess-jess as he is now referred to by my friends is showing me the path through Wicca/paganism. I'm excited by it. I've been interested in it since I was kid, read books, and seriously tried to practice. But it's hard to do when you're alone and you don't have someone showing you the way. Now I do. 

I've got so many things I have to get done for the lessons. I'm crashing out at his place again, there isn't going to be anyone else to there. Me and him. And in a few minutes hopefully, I'm going to take Weed to go and get her nails done for prom. I'm excited. Figured it was something that me and her can go and do, especially since she's never had them done before. 

Anyways, Life sucks on the east coast. Wish my westie friends were here. But I'm glad that they aren't, too much to suck in. I'm out. Stay sane.

Miss Ataxia: Missing her boy

Well I tried to reach out to Johnny, he pretty much blew me off. I just feel annoyed by it. Oh well.

I haven't seen my boy in days and I feel sad by it. But at the same time I know why I haven't seen him so it makes it ok. He's got to make the moneys so he can get his own place and go back to school. I'm so proud of him. Hopefully I can see him today.

Miss Ataxia: SLUMBER PARTY

Well my boy's back in town after being gone for a couple of days on some emergency. Can't say I really care about the emergency, I'm just glad he's back. I rather missed him. So I'm going to go and crash at his place tonight and spend the day with him tomorrow. It's going to be oh so good to be able to just fall asleep next to him and see him when I wake up. Cutsey I know but it's true. I really fell hard for this guy, but I don't care. Finally someone that I can see myself being with.

Miss Ataxia: On Johnny Rumble

I wish that I could talk to him about the past. I'm' sorry that I hurt him. I really am. I truly wish Johnny Rumble the best of luck in relationships. I'm glad I had him for as long as I did. I'm sorry that I hurt him like I did. But I wish he would realize that I couldn't be there for him. That I couldn't give my all to the relationship. He deserves someone that can. I'm sorry. I still care for you, I always will. But you need someone who can better handle you. I know what I want out of life and you had yet to really even ponder it. I wanted to get together and spend the rest of our lives together but you wanted to wait. I want you to meet a kick-ass punk rock girl who can show you the world and not be afraid to go bridge jumping with you, who can make up her mind about everything, who doesn't share the same opinions and fights with you about them, a girl who's willing to rough house with you in the middle of the living room. I'm not that girl. I never was. Thats what you deserve. Go find it.

Miss Ataxia: Needs a new uterus

Well he's going to teach me the ways. Or really he's going to help me learn the ways and I'm excited about it. He's not going back to the army and I'm fine with that. I was nervous about it but I wasn't going to let him know that.

I wonder what he's going to do with his life now?

Miss Ataxia: Fight

Whats happened this week? Ah yes.....

As I was picking the others up from school I decided to do a bit of sketching. Mind you when I mean sketching it is used very lightly. As I was sketching I had placed some money on the seat for my cousin to buy a ticket. He opened the door, said the word "shottie" tossed in his backpack, and shut the door. I don't know what "shottie" means so I ignored him. Turns out it meant shotgun. Whatever. So Weed comes walking up and taps on my window. We start talking so she moves his backpack to the back and sits up front to talk to me. He came back and got pissy. Not once did he ask her to move so he could have his seat back. He whined to my mom.

Turns out he's got some anger issues. He started telling her that he wanted to leave. I told him that if he has asked than she would have moved. Turns out he didn't like that fact that me and weed are so close. I told him that if he started treating us like family instead of simply people he's living with than he'd get more respect. He looked me straight in the eye and said "we aren't family anymore". Thats fine I don't like him anyways. But what got me was after the arguement. I was upstairs playing the XBOX360 and he comes up and says I love you. WTFever. I just nod and uh huh. I can't say it to someone I don't love. And obviously.


Side note, jesse found one of his documents. He goes to the recruiter after work to see what needs to be done now. He'll come by and let me know what going on. I hope it's good news.

Miss Ataxia: The Recruiter

We went to the recruiter yesterday. He just has to wait on some paperwork to figure out if he's going to be able to get back in or not. I hope he does. The recruiter kept looking at me as if it was wierd that I didn't ask any questions about the Army. I ended up telling him that I'm an AF brat and he just went "Oh, so you already know the life." and went on his way. It was pretty funny. But Jesse's nervous, told him he shouldn't be, I'm sure that he'll get back in and since he doesn't have to take the ASVAB again he should be able get far enough advanced to become an officer like he wants. I'm so proud of him.


Johnny still hasn't made any contact. I hope he's ok. Myspace says he's angry it makes me wonder.

Haven't heard from Shea in months. Still the first girl I fell in love with. Still in love with her.

Oh, jesse was fascinated by the fact that I would consider a threesome, lol. Boys and their fetishes.

Miss Ataxia: Doodles and Coffee

The day before yesterday, thursday, much boring fun was had. It started out with me going to work to check up on someone. Sarah. She decided that we needed to go out after she got off and do something, so we did. Stupidity insued. You know those japanese soda's? The glass bottles? The ones were you have to push that damned glass marble in before you can drink any? Turns out the japanese have some serious thumb muscle going on.

Than I had to figure out if Jesse and I were going to go out. He's been having a bad week and couldn't stay at the house because his Aunt was having her pastor/preacher/father/person over for dinner. And jesse being himself would not have let him live. So we went to the Waffle House. Sat there for a couple hours, talking, doodling, drinking coffee, and him smoking. It's only than when you really aren't talking about anything important or even coherent that you realize just how amazing someone is. I feel like he knows me. It's wierd. I feel like I finally have this connection with someone that I haven't had in a very long time. Or with anyone that I've ever seen romantically. I fell so hard for this boy and scaryingly I know that he fell for me just the same. He goes to the recruiter on Monday, I'm going to go with him. Not because I'm scared. Because I'm proud of him.

Miss Ataxia: old and new

Well it's official. He's trying/is going back to the Army. But I'm not worried. I know that he'll go to the sandbox, but I know he'll come back. He's concerned that I won't like him wants he joins. He's concerned that if we're in this for the long run that I'll hate being with the military. He's concerned that I won't be able to handle the moving.

At this I laugh. I've told him that I'm a brat. The moving, the being apart, the lifestyle is all I know. It's wierd for me to live in one place for longer than 5 years. Or else I start to get antsy and trying to figure out whats going on.

I'm not scared, in fact I'm the complete opposite. I'm proud of him. He has a plan. He knows what the hell he wants out of life. I can't be the same way though. I wish I knew what I wanted out of life. Other than to be happy. And with him, finally, I'm happy.

With pretty much every person (I say person because if you know me than it's obvious) I wasn't happy. Matt- wasn't just with me (loyalty). Jake- always with the aggression and homophobia (anger managment anyone?? How about never being able to tell someone that you were into girls cause you were scared they might hit you?) S- uncommitted. Zack- pot smoking, too old, ex NAVY, dirty old man (wrong wrong wrong). Kerrington- too young at heart for someone in the AF. Johnny- Needs to grow up. I still love him. I always will, but I'm just not in love with him anymore. When you go over and spend more than a few days with someone you start to realize their faults. Not having a plan for your life other than getting married is not condusive to any relations ship. Jesse- makes me laugh, has plan, not afraid of talking about off the wall topics, as graceful as I am, loves to just lay in bed and cuddle. I think I might have found him.



My plan for 2008.....
Get a new phone (LG enV), school and work, horde my money like crazy so I can get a place of my own. The last one I need more than anything.

Miss Ataxia: A New Life

As you can tell I've broken it off with johnny and I couldn't be happier. I'm sorry to say that he didn't feel the same way. But I know that he will come to terms with it and realize that he can be better off. On the other hand I have fallen completely fast for another boy. Jesse. He makes me laugh and doesn't get annoyed by me and my taste in music. He doesn't think I'm stupid for not caring for certain things and the things I do care about he finds amusing.

I'm happier. I wish he could be. I know that I said I would love him forever and I will. Just not in the way he wants.

Who ever is watching out for me please make him happy, make him realize that I did it for me so I could be happy. I couldn't live my life waiting for him to realize what he wanted to get out of his. Atleast I know. Atleast I'm tring. Make him strive for something and someone better.

I won't fall to his level. I won't say things that are rude and uncalled for. I won't. I'm bigger than that. I'm sorry I hurt you. But I don't care.