I know that you were trying to be nice. But I'm over it. You were a jerk to me and I know that I'm over that but I also know that it could go that way yet again. I know that I want to be friends with you but I know it's not possible. There are simply things that I can not talk to you about. Either because you simply won't want to hear them or because you won't agree or accept them. I'm sorry that I treat you badly. I don't mean to. I'm sorry that I flip between whether or not I can handle even talking to you. But I am willing to try. Whatever you wanted to say simply say it. I can handle what you say because I know that you aren't going to be rude or mean on purpose. I know that you aren't a horrible person. I'm going through somethings at the moment and I don't mean to take it out on you.
I'm sorry.
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I was a jerk to you, I know that. But you also have to realize that me being an asshole is a coping mechanism for me. I wasn't just an asshole to you. I was an asshole to everybody for a few weeks.
I was willing to try and play nice and see if a friendship, as tenuous as it might have been, as try. I was willing to see if it could work.
Frankly, I'm over the emotions of loving you. I was a loving time ago. It just took me this to find the words to say, and to apoligize for the way I acted.
I'm willing to hear and read everything you want to hear or read. It dosen't bother me that you are finding that you want to marry some other guy. Whatever, I know I'm not going to have to suffer sitting through it, so I don't let it bother me.
I wasn't going to be rude or mean, you are right. But I left a comment on the blog in question to let you know that I HAD read it, and to let you know that. I had other things I had to stress over at that time, so I shuffled it to the back of my head to respond to at a time when I could devote myself to writing the correct words.
The fact that you don't NEED me to answer is fine and dandy, but how much would it have bugged you if I hadn't? Or had just brushed it aside? I WANTED to answer you, to close a chapter in at least my life, and possibily yours. But you didn't give me the opportunity to do so.
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