Miss Ataxia: On Johnny Rumble

I wish that I could talk to him about the past. I'm' sorry that I hurt him. I really am. I truly wish Johnny Rumble the best of luck in relationships. I'm glad I had him for as long as I did. I'm sorry that I hurt him like I did. But I wish he would realize that I couldn't be there for him. That I couldn't give my all to the relationship. He deserves someone that can. I'm sorry. I still care for you, I always will. But you need someone who can better handle you. I know what I want out of life and you had yet to really even ponder it. I wanted to get together and spend the rest of our lives together but you wanted to wait. I want you to meet a kick-ass punk rock girl who can show you the world and not be afraid to go bridge jumping with you, who can make up her mind about everything, who doesn't share the same opinions and fights with you about them, a girl who's willing to rough house with you in the middle of the living room. I'm not that girl. I never was. Thats what you deserve. Go find it.

Miss Ataxia: Needs a new uterus

Well he's going to teach me the ways. Or really he's going to help me learn the ways and I'm excited about it. He's not going back to the army and I'm fine with that. I was nervous about it but I wasn't going to let him know that.

I wonder what he's going to do with his life now?

Miss Ataxia: Fight

Whats happened this week? Ah yes.....

As I was picking the others up from school I decided to do a bit of sketching. Mind you when I mean sketching it is used very lightly. As I was sketching I had placed some money on the seat for my cousin to buy a ticket. He opened the door, said the word "shottie" tossed in his backpack, and shut the door. I don't know what "shottie" means so I ignored him. Turns out it meant shotgun. Whatever. So Weed comes walking up and taps on my window. We start talking so she moves his backpack to the back and sits up front to talk to me. He came back and got pissy. Not once did he ask her to move so he could have his seat back. He whined to my mom.

Turns out he's got some anger issues. He started telling her that he wanted to leave. I told him that if he has asked than she would have moved. Turns out he didn't like that fact that me and weed are so close. I told him that if he started treating us like family instead of simply people he's living with than he'd get more respect. He looked me straight in the eye and said "we aren't family anymore". Thats fine I don't like him anyways. But what got me was after the arguement. I was upstairs playing the XBOX360 and he comes up and says I love you. WTFever. I just nod and uh huh. I can't say it to someone I don't love. And obviously.


Side note, jesse found one of his documents. He goes to the recruiter after work to see what needs to be done now. He'll come by and let me know what going on. I hope it's good news.

Miss Ataxia: The Recruiter

We went to the recruiter yesterday. He just has to wait on some paperwork to figure out if he's going to be able to get back in or not. I hope he does. The recruiter kept looking at me as if it was wierd that I didn't ask any questions about the Army. I ended up telling him that I'm an AF brat and he just went "Oh, so you already know the life." and went on his way. It was pretty funny. But Jesse's nervous, told him he shouldn't be, I'm sure that he'll get back in and since he doesn't have to take the ASVAB again he should be able get far enough advanced to become an officer like he wants. I'm so proud of him.


Johnny still hasn't made any contact. I hope he's ok. Myspace says he's angry it makes me wonder.

Haven't heard from Shea in months. Still the first girl I fell in love with. Still in love with her.

Oh, jesse was fascinated by the fact that I would consider a threesome, lol. Boys and their fetishes.

Miss Ataxia: Doodles and Coffee

The day before yesterday, thursday, much boring fun was had. It started out with me going to work to check up on someone. Sarah. She decided that we needed to go out after she got off and do something, so we did. Stupidity insued. You know those japanese soda's? The glass bottles? The ones were you have to push that damned glass marble in before you can drink any? Turns out the japanese have some serious thumb muscle going on.

Than I had to figure out if Jesse and I were going to go out. He's been having a bad week and couldn't stay at the house because his Aunt was having her pastor/preacher/father/person over for dinner. And jesse being himself would not have let him live. So we went to the Waffle House. Sat there for a couple hours, talking, doodling, drinking coffee, and him smoking. It's only than when you really aren't talking about anything important or even coherent that you realize just how amazing someone is. I feel like he knows me. It's wierd. I feel like I finally have this connection with someone that I haven't had in a very long time. Or with anyone that I've ever seen romantically. I fell so hard for this boy and scaryingly I know that he fell for me just the same. He goes to the recruiter on Monday, I'm going to go with him. Not because I'm scared. Because I'm proud of him.

Miss Ataxia: old and new

Well it's official. He's trying/is going back to the Army. But I'm not worried. I know that he'll go to the sandbox, but I know he'll come back. He's concerned that I won't like him wants he joins. He's concerned that if we're in this for the long run that I'll hate being with the military. He's concerned that I won't be able to handle the moving.

At this I laugh. I've told him that I'm a brat. The moving, the being apart, the lifestyle is all I know. It's wierd for me to live in one place for longer than 5 years. Or else I start to get antsy and trying to figure out whats going on.

I'm not scared, in fact I'm the complete opposite. I'm proud of him. He has a plan. He knows what the hell he wants out of life. I can't be the same way though. I wish I knew what I wanted out of life. Other than to be happy. And with him, finally, I'm happy.

With pretty much every person (I say person because if you know me than it's obvious) I wasn't happy. Matt- wasn't just with me (loyalty). Jake- always with the aggression and homophobia (anger managment anyone?? How about never being able to tell someone that you were into girls cause you were scared they might hit you?) S- uncommitted. Zack- pot smoking, too old, ex NAVY, dirty old man (wrong wrong wrong). Kerrington- too young at heart for someone in the AF. Johnny- Needs to grow up. I still love him. I always will, but I'm just not in love with him anymore. When you go over and spend more than a few days with someone you start to realize their faults. Not having a plan for your life other than getting married is not condusive to any relations ship. Jesse- makes me laugh, has plan, not afraid of talking about off the wall topics, as graceful as I am, loves to just lay in bed and cuddle. I think I might have found him.



My plan for 2008.....
Get a new phone (LG enV), school and work, horde my money like crazy so I can get a place of my own. The last one I need more than anything.

Miss Ataxia: A New Life

As you can tell I've broken it off with johnny and I couldn't be happier. I'm sorry to say that he didn't feel the same way. But I know that he will come to terms with it and realize that he can be better off. On the other hand I have fallen completely fast for another boy. Jesse. He makes me laugh and doesn't get annoyed by me and my taste in music. He doesn't think I'm stupid for not caring for certain things and the things I do care about he finds amusing.

I'm happier. I wish he could be. I know that I said I would love him forever and I will. Just not in the way he wants.

Who ever is watching out for me please make him happy, make him realize that I did it for me so I could be happy. I couldn't live my life waiting for him to realize what he wanted to get out of his. Atleast I know. Atleast I'm tring. Make him strive for something and someone better.

I won't fall to his level. I won't say things that are rude and uncalled for. I won't. I'm bigger than that. I'm sorry I hurt you. But I don't care.