Miss Ataxia: Stressin' for the boy

I am starting to believe that I am going crazy or that I have been and I am just now realizing it. My father's birthday is on Sunday and I just realized it. I've never really known when his was nor do I actually know how old he is. The boy in my life, if you can really consider him that, his starting to get completely stressed out again. His pay was garnished. He went from five days a week to six. And now the people that he is living with, one of them, really doesn't want him around. Not to mention they are both starting to pester him about the whole church thing.

He is trying to write a book, the only problem is he is putting too many obstacles in his way so that he will not get it done. It's not even a "I want to write this book" but a " I need to write this book". The problem? He's been told his whole life that he will never amount to anything, that he will be exactly like his mother, that he is a failure, and a loser. He is none of these things. He is amazing and nothing like his mother. I wish I could make him see it. He is afraid to succeed because he's never had that option. I want him to do it so badly.

Miss Ataxia: Hair troubles and aggravations

So I've been thinking about what I want to do to my hair. I'm craving a change. I don't know if I want to keep the vibrant color or if I want to act like a grown up. The color is what I'm known for around work. When I don't have it people are constantly asking me if I'm ok. So here's what I'm thinking about doing. Dying all of it dark and than putting highlights throughout it and than putting the color on top of the highlights. Than comes the problem with the color. I'm tired if blue, purple, green, pink, and red shades. So I guess I'll just leave the bleach on longer and see how it looks.

On another note, he may be leaving for NC a lot sooner than we all expected. Sarah is going to the Army, Anna is going to some branch supposedly, and now shea-shea the one girl that I could have spent the rest of my life with, is going to the Air Force Reserves. And the bitch couldn't even tell me.

Miss Ataxia: Hair Coloring Queen

Well I have the laptop back, it's running great but the connection to the wireless is going haywire so my dad is going to take a look at it today. YAYNESS!

I might see the boy tonight, which is good, cause I feel like I need to see him. I know he's been busy with work and I know that I've been busy with work and life. But I still have that crazy urge to drive up there and just lay in bed with him. Does that make me weird? I hope not.

The Sarah girl is coming over today, here in a few hours really, to dye her hair. I wanted to do fire engine red but we decided that it wasn't the best idea since I would really need to bleach her hair first. And thats a no go. So we opted for a nice burgandy color. Why do people come to me for hair coloring advice I will never know. It's not my fault I do it on a regular basis.

Miss Ataxia: It's back

Finally I can say that the coven is on it's way to being part of our lives again. As always it will be hard and difficult for our other member and I'm sure that he will feel like he doesn't know anything. But he will. As long as I have him motivated to do everything it looks like it should be working out just fine.

I really missed the coven. The three of us. Not just me and another. But the three.


On another note, my laptop is currently being repaired. I can't wait! A good friend of mine is doing it for cheap cheap. Like $20. Everyone needs a computer science major in their pocket.

Miss Ataxia: Shocked and Confused

I don't know what to say today. The person that I care very much for is going through such a hard time this month, my brother's girlfriend's grandmother died, as did my uncle's father. Add on to this that I'm not making nearly enough money to where I can live on my own. Sarah is joining the Army, Anna is trying to join the Air Force, and Joey is still with us.

I just spent the past day or so with the boy. He doesn't know that my mum is going to give him money so he can get his stuff out of storage. He doesn't know that my mum is going to let him keep his stuff here. All of it. He's in for a shock no? He doesn't know that I'm head over heels for him. Well, maybe he does due to our conversation yesterday. He told me that he had a dream the we were married. This is the guy who couldn't call me his girlfriend because he was still dealing with HER. And he springs this on me. He said that his dreams could have hidden meanings but he wanted to know how I felt about it regardless. I didn't know what to say. I have no reservations or doubts about how I feel about him. And he's one of the few people that really know me. Inside and out. He doesn't think that he's ready for that big of a commitment and I said that was fine. And I was quiet. He wanted to know why I wasn't saying anything. Fortunately he was sitting on my lap and couldn't see the shock and concern on my face. All I wanted to do was ask him why me. Why me of all the people in the world? I'm not smart, I'm not pretty, I'm not cool, I don't like being in social situations, I'm a homebody, a nerd, a spaz, extremely family-oriented, and I can hardly live on my own let alone with my family.

No I really don't think that I'm the shit.


I don't understand people sometimes.

Miss Ataxia: Can you move on?

I don't know why you still have a tendency to get on my bad side. Why do you have to be such a jerk? I moved on with my life and I'm trying to be civil. Why can't you do the same? I still have feelings for you, I always will. But I want you to stop being such an ass to me and move on and be happy. Date that girl you like. Seriously, if you like her than go do things with her. I'm sure she would enjoy it even if she doesn't like movie theatres.

But saying that I wouldn't do something just shows you that maybe you didn't know me as well as you think you did. And I'm guessing that you really didn't. I was never apathetic, I just valued your opinion and didn't want to get into a disagreement with you.

Miss Ataxia: Why?

You think that I won't get baptized? Why? I like who I am here. I'm different than the way I was back on the west coast. I'm happy. Can't you be happy for me? Can't you realize that if I'm a better person now what I must have felt like when I was there?



You should do things with that girl. You really should.